A psychologist explains how to offer comfort to someone with cancer
You hear from a friend that someone you both know and love has just been diagnosed with cancer. Or maybe you've gotten news about a beloved relative through the family grapevine.
Along with the shock and fear you no doubt feel, you may well be wondering: What should I say to them? What words could possibly help?
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A good place to start is to put yourself in their shoes.
바카라 게임 웹사이트Picture yourself in that situation, and think about the feelings you바카라 게임 웹사이트d have if you바카라 게임 웹사이트d just been diagnosed," says , clinical assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry at NYU Langone Health, and a mental health and anxiety specialist who has been working with patients with physical health conditions for 14 years.
"You might feel in shock, or overwhelmed, or scared. You might immediately take on a fighting attitude, or feel frustrated or angry, like life바카라 게임 웹사이트s not fair. Or all of those things! You might be scared for the people around you, your loved ones. People who are diagnosed with cancer , most of them difficult ones.바카라 게임 웹사이트
What to say to someone who has been diagnosed with cancer:
An important thing to ask yourself before you reach out to someone: Do you need a moment to process it first? If the topic is especially triggering or uncomfortable for you, there바카라 게임 웹사이트s a chance you might say something that would make the person feel worse, by transferring your discomfort over to them. Give yourself a little time to process your emotions if needed. But remember 바카라 게임 웹사이트 saying something, even awkwardly, can be so much better than saying nothing at all.
Here, from Gallagher and other cancer experts, are things to remember when talking to someone who has cancer.
Listen 바카라 게임 웹사이트 and acknowledge it if you don바카라 게임 웹사이트t know quite what to say.
바카라 게임 웹사이트This is such a powerful thing,바카라 게임 웹사이트 says Gallagher. 바카라 게임 웹사이트Don바카라 게임 웹사이트t feel like you have to fill the air. Less is more. Sometimes when a moment feels awkward, we바카라 게임 웹사이트ll reach for a platitude, like 바카라 게임 웹사이트it바카라 게임 웹사이트ll all be okay바카라 게임 웹사이트 바카라 게임 웹사이트 but resist the urge, even though you may think you바카라 게임 웹사이트re being helpful.바카라 게임 웹사이트
It can be powerful to simply say, 바카라 게임 웹사이트I바카라 게임 웹사이트m so sorry to hear the news바카라 게임 웹사이트I don바카라 게임 웹사이트t know really what to say in this moment, but I바카라 게임 웹사이트m here to listen.바카라 게임 웹사이트 Gallagher adds, 바카라 게임 웹사이트It바카라 게임 웹사이트s also important not to avoid the person, or to avoid or change the topic if they bring it up. Follow their lead. Don바카라 게임 웹사이트t dictate the pace of the conversation. Let them do it.바카라 게임 웹사이트
Don바카라 게임 웹사이트t invalidate their feelings.
Remember: Whatever the person is going through is normal, whether that바카라 게임 웹사이트s grief, anger, depression, fear, being remote and withdrawn or denial. They have the right to any and all emotions they바카라 게임 웹사이트re feeling, and it바카라 게임 웹사이트s not your job (or anyone바카라 게임 웹사이트s job) to change that.
If you tell them to 바카라 게임 웹사이트stay positive바카라 게임 웹사이트 or that 바카라 게임 웹사이트it바카라 게임 웹사이트ll all turn out okay,바카라 게임 웹사이트 this may sound upbeat to you, but phrases like this can discount and invalidate how the person may actually be feeling.
바카라 게임 웹사이트You might think that saying something like this is giving them hope in that moment 바카라 게임 웹사이트 but you could actually be putting pressure on them to react a certain way like they바카라 게임 웹사이트re not allowed to feel the way they바카라 게임 웹사이트re feeling,바카라 게임 웹사이트 says Gallagher. 바카라 게임 웹사이트Don바카라 게임 웹사이트t assume you know how they feel. Meet them where they바카라 게임 웹사이트re at.바카라 게임 웹사이트
It바카라 게임 웹사이트s possible that they바카라 게임 웹사이트ll face their treatment in an upbeat, 바카라 게임 웹사이트I바카라 게임 웹사이트ll win this battle바카라 게임 웹사이트 mode. The points out that this doesn바카라 게임 웹사이트t mean they바카라 게임 웹사이트re in denial 바카라 게임 웹사이트 particularly if they바카라 게임 웹사이트re getting the medical help they need. They may simply have decided to take a positive outlook, and you can certainly follow their lead.
Be careful to avoid being judgmental.
As notes, getting cancer is never someone바카라 게임 웹사이트s fault. In fact, the organization points out, research has proven that most cancer is caused by random mutations, or changes, in our genes. So it's key to avoid stigmatizing the person, says the , which basically means blaming them for bringing the illness on themselves.
Stigmatizing someone can have an incredibly negative impact on their psyche and how they approach their illness 바카라 게임 웹사이트 so if you have those thoughts or feelings, keep 바카라 게임 웹사이트em to yourself. "Suspend your questions, especially in the beginning," says Gallagher.
If the person says something like 바카라 게임 웹사이트If only I바카라 게임 웹사이트d quit smoking 10 years earlier바카라 게임 웹사이트 or 바카라 게임 웹사이트If only I바카라 게임 웹사이트d gotten years ago,바카라 게임 웹사이트 then, Gallagher says, 바카라 게임 웹사이트Slow down, and think before you speak.
They might be looking for answers to an unknown situation, or trying to make sense of it or assign blame. In this situation, . 바카라 게임 웹사이트This sounds so scary 바카라 게임 웹사이트 what can I do to help in this moment?바카라 게임 웹사이트 A lot of time, cancer is a senseless situation.바카라 게임 웹사이트
Remember: It's not about you.
Even if you바카라 게임 웹사이트ve had cancer, don바카라 게임 웹사이트t say that you know just how they feel. Not everyone who has cancer reacts the same way, of course. Similarly, it바카라 게임 웹사이트s best to avoid telling them details about a friend or family who had the same type of cancer, because their experiences may be different (and it바카라 게임 웹사이트s making it more about you, rather than them). 바카라 게임 웹사이트This invalidates the person's unique experience," says Dr. Gallagher. "Be curious about their experience. They just got hit by a Mack truck of news 바카라 게임 웹사이트 it바카라 게임 웹사이트s overwhelming. Try not to bring your own experiences into it, especially in the beginning.바카라 게임 웹사이트
Keep showing up.
Right after someone is diagnosed, there바카라 게임 웹사이트s a flurry of support and response from friends바카라 게임 웹사이트and then it may drop off. So stay in touch: Send texts and/or notes, light and brief, to let them know you바카라 게임 웹사이트re thinking about them. Drop off some flowers just because you saw some at the store, or a book for their kids from the library.
And keep offering the sort of specific help mentioned above: The need may be there for quite some time, and your help will be appreciated. 바카라 게임 웹사이트It바카라 게임 웹사이트s the most powerful thing you can do, because it바카라 게임 웹사이트s a long haul,바카라 게임 웹사이트 says Gallagher.
Especially if it바카라 게임 웹사이트s a close friend, try to treat them the same way you did before they had cancer 바카라 게임 웹사이트 in other words, not with kid gloves, but certainly with a big dose of compassion. 바카라 게임 웹사이트There바카라 게임 웹사이트s not a one-size-fits-all way to respond when someone you know is diagnosed with cancer,바카라 게임 웹사이트 says Gallagher. 바카라 게임 웹사이트You may mess up along the way and say the wrong thing, but keep showing up. Stay longer than you think you might need to, because it can be a long journey. Stick around. That바카라 게임 웹사이트s the most important thing.바카라 게임 웹사이트